ben_g15's Xanga

Ben_G15

Sat, 24 Jan 2009 19:44:18 GMT

I decided that I wanted to get back into consistent blogging. I wanted to make a new account on xanga (and I did for a day), but I've realized that it's changed so much that...I don't know if I want to screw with remaking everything, especially since I always liked the layout I had on here during its last couple of years of use.

I was really debating whether I should just go on Livejournal or Blogspot or something and remain separate from this guy, or if it would be alright to keep writing on this. One thing I don't enjoy about this particular xanga profile is my username, "ben_g15", something that, quite frankly, is a username that I really don't like. But--interesting bit of trivia--15 was the age when I started this, and "Ben G" is a handle I used back as early as elementary school when I was first introduced to the internet...so, you know, not a very creative choice of names. But I suppose that gives it some sort of meaning. It's a representation of what I was, and what I am now relative to that. For all my faults now, my faults under the "ben_g15" name were much worse, or at least much more pronounced. I have changed so immensely as a person that I don't even recognize myself in many of the entries, or even all of them. As you may notice, there are a handful of entries I made when I first entered college, but it wasn't much. Other than that, this entire site is devoted to High School...and the horrible, horrible phases I went through there. So it's hard to imagine, when reading these, that the person who wrote them is the same as the person writing now.

Then again, maybe it's because it actually IS me who is writing them, so I know exactly where my mindset is now and where my mindset was then, fully and completely. Maybe anyone else who reads these entries, people from another point of view, will be able to see the progression more clearly than I can. I don't know.

I just know for a fact that I need some sort of journal, but not a completely private one...something that I know will affect someone, somewhere, because someone other than myself will read it. But I don't want it on something like Facebook or MySpace, where people only read them to be nosy, and if I post too much I'll just make everything cluttered. I want it be something that people have to make an effort to visit, and only visit because they care about me, and want to make it a point to listen to what I have to say. So I'm selfish. So what? I'm also human. And I also say some pretty damn good things sometimes.

Whether I want to use this thing anymore? I have no idea. I really don't. There are pros and cons either way. I'll have to sleep on it, I think. I think it would be interesting to see the transition I've made. And while I used to tell people to stay away from my old entries...I encourage people to read them. Some are quite good, others are incredibly funny, and some...well, some will be infuriating. But the things that are infuriating are the things that influenced me the most as a person. I wouldn't have changed for the better if I didn't make the massive mistakes I made during the years I kept this journal (though the worst parts of my life aren't displayed as much here...there are certainly hilights).

This journal is something very special to me, as are its entries. I am never going to delete it, I just have yet to decide whether or not I want to continue writing in it or start something new. Either way, I'm not embarrassed by this anymore. Anyone who wants to read it is free to read it. You'll get a laugh, and maybe some insight into just how much I've grown up. And how dumb I used to be. Haha.

Finals!

Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:25:27 GMT

They are so much fun.

And now, back to studying.

Ugh...

Thu, 06 Dec 2007 20:30:53 GMT

My job is extremely easy, but when the few times I'm actually required to answer a questions for someone, I don't know the answer...I feel like a jerk. The guy wanted to know if a certain movie was in for him to watch for his class. Usually any foreign language students know exactly what they're looking for (like their teacher leaves the thing out right on the desk for them to pick up) but this guy had obviously never done it before. I have no idea where I'd check to see if movies had "come in"...I'm sure it has because he said he had to watch it before tonight at 8pm. I feel like a total jackass for not being able to give him a straight answer. I told him my supervisor was out, but would be back at around 5...which is reasonable, because she would know what he was talking about. The thing is, he decided to stay in here until she gets back to study...which isn't bad at all, it's just rather awkward, and reminds me of how much of a jerk I am. ><;;; I just hate looking like I'm getting paid only to do nothing, y'know?

I have to finish this paper. I've already written it so it's just revisions, but still...it's something I have to do.

One more day and then this semester's over, with the exception of exams.

My God, this has been a long week.

Testuclear Holocaust!

Wed, 05 Dec 2007 14:04:20 GMT

So, my group presents our project in a few hours...and no one ever sent me the one part of the paper they were supposed to write...so I'm going to have to write it myself. Granted, it's only, like, a paragraph, but I'm not the one who took the literature half of the class. I also have to come up with the creative title, and I'm probably going to go ahead and divide everything out. It's not really a lot of work, so I'm not going to complain--YET--but it doesn't look very good for the future of this project. Ah well.

Between my next class and tonight I have to write another paper. And I need to prepare my research presentation for Friday. I've been putting all of that off, but it's not necessarily that much (at least not as much as last week).

I'm adding a couple of things to my YouTube account (www.youtube.com/durkinator27) over the next couple of days, and then I've got some stuff I want to work on over break (or maybe I'll be able to finish them before break? Who knows). I'm going to be uploading many of the So Weird episodes I have, and whore the hell out of it...I know I said I'd only put my own stuff up there, and I'm totally selling out, but if I only get 50 views in 3 months, well...you know. xP

I hate exporting things...it always takes so long.

Why do people leap into the air when there is an explosion behind them?

Sun, 02 Dec 2007 04:02:18 GMT

I didn't get a part in "The Last Yankee" either. But that just means I'll have more time in January for everything else. = )

I've been working to take all of the preview, studio logo, action, etc. scenes that I always borrow and splice into my film projects and put them on one handy disc. That way, I know exactly where to go when I need an explosion or car chase and don't have the means to film one myself. It's going to take a couple of weekends to get it all straight but I think it will be all worthwhile in the end.

Speaking of movies...I don't know if this is going to work, but I really want to retool the movie the G-School posse is doing in December into a V-Force movie. Kat seems game for the idea, I haven't heard from Will, but it's obvious that Sam doesn't want to because of the whole "V" meaning "Virgin". Apparently he has a "fake reputation" to withhold. WTF?

My problem is, if you just act fake about it, then you're just going to look more like a loser. I don't hide the fact that I'm not "experienced", and the only thing it does is make people stop wondering. If you act like you've been with everyone and everything all the time, once people find out the truth you're just going to look really really really really really really lame. Seriously. Just don't lie. That's the easiest way to deal with it.

Oh yeah, V-Force is the club the four of us made up to signify us being the virginist virgins in CHS. We each had superpowers and stuff...there was a whole backstory but I really can't remember it at all. I think it involved a meteor.

Remember when Xanga didn't have the option to add titles?

Thu, 29 Nov 2007 20:07:09 GMT

What a week...seriously, what a freakin' week. I come back from break, and I swear I have had more work in the past five days than I've had all semester. Alright, the week itself wasn't that bad, really, it was just a lot of work. The professors are cramming everything they forgot as much as possible before exams...

I didn't get a part in "Baby in the Bathwater". Not to sound boisterous or anything, but it really seems like most of the people who got the parts only got them because they were friends with the director (student). But to be honest, I would probably do the same thing--you know they won't screw you over, so you feel more safe. I'm not angry about it at all. I'm trying out for "The Last Yankee" tonight. If I don't get a part I'll try for one of the stage managers.

I came to work thinking I'd spend the entire time on homework, but I finished it amazingly quickly, so now I'm quite bored. Nice planning...

At least I have the internet.

It's that time again...

Mon, 26 Nov 2007 13:40:49 GMT

I'd really love to shoot myself in the face right now. I'm too tired to concentrate...but if I don't concentrate I'll probably, well, fail my FYE.

I think I'm going to spend all of tonight working on this paper. Well until 8, that's when Chuck comes on. I could always record it and watch it later, but for the first time in a while I actually don't have anything going on Monday night...so why miss the opportunity?

Wow, this is the most boring paper ever. Well, not really, my Governor's School senior project one was much more boring. Though it was good enough to go to the regional competition...who knows. Life is weird. Why am I discussing a non-important moment from last May? Obviously my mind is wandering.

Wow, this is going to be a really really really long week.

5 Days? That must be why my loins are burning!

Sun, 25 Nov 2007 00:19:10 GMT

Yeah, well, Beowulf was as expected. (Awful?). Anonymous writer must be rolling in his grave. And wtf was with the long naked fight scene with all the conveniently placed candles and swords? They might as well just put black bars up there. I swear, it was like watching a scene from Austin Powers.

It looks like I won't be going to the beach in December, or if I do not with Sam or Will...I expected that, though. They're kind of weird. I think it sounds like we are filming a sequel/spin-off to OBXtreme, though. I'm totally excited for that. I hope Will sends me some stuff soon. I think we'll film that in December, though.

Ugh...tomorrow is Sunday. Which means the next day is Monday. Ugh to the extreme ughness. I have an 8-page paper to write. And I have to write the final draft to another paper that I thought was good but apparently isn't. Ho-boy. Not excited. I'm trying to work on that stuff now, but...well, why do we get assigned stuff like this over break, anyway?! Doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of having a break? Sheesh...

8 pages. I think I'm screwed. No, I know I'm screwed.

Yeah...now it's official.

Sat, 24 Nov 2007 02:08:19 GMT

Xanga has been added to my favorites list on my laptop now. And I changed the profile pic again. And I made two entries in one day. And I'm probably going to update my profile info when I feel like it.

Wow...I totally didn't see all of that coming.

Yeah, seeing the sequel to 300...or wait...there was no sequel to 300? Oh, that's right, it's Beowulf. But it's basically 300. Yeah, I get that the original source material is waaay too simple to do justice with it in a movie, but then, why do you have to do a movie version of it at all? Argh...I'm only going so I can hang out with the guys (Sam, Will, Tommy). And to be able to write a bad review of it.

When did I start referring to them as "the guys"? Since Kat can't come that automatically makes it "the guys" I guess. Me, Sam and Will are kind of that trifecta of guys from our G-School posse, and Kat is the token girl.

Anyway, afterwards we're going to Will's house for gaming as we have done the past couple of times. It's funny how much fun something as simple as a Wii could be. Well, then again, I don't know why I'm saying that, because that's what they're for...that was a dumb statement all together. XD

My brain is dead, and I still haven't started on these papers, sheesh...

They're changing the name of "Black Friday" to "Not Good Friday".

Fri, 23 Nov 2007 17:53:15 GMT

African-Americans take offense to the derogatory connotation used for "Black", so the government is changing the name of the holiday.

...

No, I'm just screwing with you. But the way "political correctness" has been going lately, I wouldn't be surprised. Remember "freedom fries"?

That's really the only reason I came here was to say that. xP

I have a couple of phonecalls to make.